Transcript

So when I first started hearing voices and seeing things was when I started school in September. So it started in the school building. I'm 19 years old. I live in the Bronx, my name is Jessica, but I go by Skittles. Yeah, there's two sides Jessica and Skittles. For everyone is different but for me it felt like everybody could read my mind and I didn't trust like the teachers and the counselor. I thought that someone was out to get me and I didn't want to tell anybody because I thought I was crazy. At first I thought people were crazy. My counselor from my school recommended me to go to that hospital.

My favorite way to show who I am is makeup and hair. For me it supports my mental health. I watch videos, people I like on YouTube. The different colors identify as like a mood, so the neutral means like black brownish blending in with other girls. Just wanted to hide away from everybody, but Skittles mood is blue, purple, red, exciting, powerful, feel on top of the world.

While I was hospitalized I felt like I was Jessica. Like I don't really like that person. It talked to me about medication, what I had to to take, and what were the symptoms. I didn't want to know anything about it. Then later on, second time I was hospitalized, I started searching for more. And that's when I started, like, putting the puzzles together: what psychosis meant, what does it do, or what the medication is. And then, I'll share it with my mom so she could know. And if I feel paranoid outside, I'll just put my headphones in and listen to music or text a friend or call my mom. 

"My treatment team is really supportive... I feel like I've grown a lot."

My treatment team is really supportive, a therapist. We talk about how my mood's going, my appetite, and I have support from school as well teachers, counselors, they all talk to each other. I have a lot of support from all around where I'm at. If I could go back in time and tell myself like give myself advice I would say just tell someone like I'm hearing voices or I don't feel good. I feel like I've grown a lot, my experience helps me help others who was really there with you in those hard moments because those are the people who really care about you and love you.

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