Transcript

I thought people were out to get me. I was scaring people, making owl noises whenever I went outside.  I thought people were trying to kill me because I was trans.

I was referred to OnTrack, but at the first six months, I was really struggling. The delusional content made it hard to engage with the team, I felt worthless, and there was no hope of recovery. I thought the people that wanted me dead had won, so I was going to do the job for them. I tried to hang myself, but it hurt too much, so I stopped the attempt.

I worried that I would get kicked out of OnTrack if they found out I was contemplating suicide. But even when I was in the hospital, OnTrack kept working with me. I kept seeing my therapist through video. At first, I needed structure, so they offered me a peer support group and a brain gym to improve my memory skills. And they connected me with someone who's also trans in the mental health community.

They've been able to keep changing what they're doing for me as my needs have changed, like help with college applications and tips for studying. So when I wanted to go down to my meds, there was no pushback, which was really nice. So we went down five milligrams one month and another five milligrams the next month. 

I just started grad school, so I might take a break and reduce it again in the winter break. One of the biggest things has been helping my parents through transitioning to my gender. They meet with my therapist twice a month. I think it's really giving them the space to process it and it's really helped my relationship with them. Now I'm reaching the end of my time and OnTrack, so they're helping me find a therapist to switch to. I still have delusional thoughts sometimes, but I'm reassured that I've surrounded myself with good people that support me. So I always know I'm safe and I'm valued.

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